The last guy I dated didn't believe I was a nerd. Seriously. If anyone who knows me well enough, and is supporting my thoughts by reading my blog-kudos to you, knows this is a fallacy. I AM indeed a NERD. I like sci-fi (watching, never got into reading though I have attempted to read Dune-the movies (both versions) kick some serious ass. I'll say that Tom Baker is my favorite Doctor and that Christopher Eccleson is a close second. I used to plague coffee houses and the local greasy spoon diner, with outside bathrooms with my friends and talk music talk all night long. (This isn't an exaggeration). I'll also geek out to old school movies like Tron, the Neverending Story, E.T., and the original Star Wars trilogy (I'll also admit that if there were one thing I'd want to do in this universe, it would go to a Star Wars camp-like it exists, but it would be pretty fucking cool, if it did).
To further prove how much of a nerd I really am I proudly say that I do, indeed, have a Baccalaureate in English (and I really hope I spelled "baccalaureate" correctly as that would really make me look like a dumb ass). Yes, I majored in English because I LOVE to read, analyze, critique, and write fiction. Get me into a bookstore, not necessarily a Barnes and Noble (though I frequent it a lot down South) and I'm like that gamer waiting outside a fucking Game Stop when the latest whatever is released. (Note: I know zilch about gaming except for my love of skeeball and old Atari games, oh there was this one time I played Dungeons and Dragons at a party and I was drunk). Back to books, I love to smell and touch them. I read the inserts, check out the cover art, read about the author, and even the first few lines to see whether or not I'll purchase them. Seriously, it that ain't nerdy, I have no clue what is. (And for those word purists who are going to get Eddie Izzard on my ass for using "ain't," my Intro to Linguistics prof once said it is a word. Why? Because though it is improper grammar, we use it in everyday speech. And this is my blog, so fuck off if you're offended).
Now there are different types of nerdom. Not all are as awesome as the literary/musical persuasion. There are way too many people out there that into things that are beyond my reach of logical thought. There are many different "nerd clans" as well. I feel that people don't see me as a nerdy girl as I don't fit the stereotype (which I'm thinking is the Tori Spelling, Violet, character from Saved by the Bell?!?!? or perhaps someone into anime and Japanese pop music...how I adore Pizzicato 5) but I can tell you there is that dweeb within me. That girl is the one who would sell her soul to meet Morrissey, have lunch with John Waters, and be able to go back into time and have a drink with James Joyce. Seriously. If I could survive by living in a crap apartment, go without bathing for weeks at a time, give up my pretty clothes, and Gap credit limit through writing something that I knew people would think was great and college teens were forced read in a survey class, I'd do it, and not look back. However, reality has hit and I know that if I were to write, there are a million others out there (of course self-publishing is easy) and, the fact is, I much rather read than have to think of characters and plots. It's why I wrote/write poetry. It's lazy. I'm not all Sylvia Plath about it (she was a genius until she married that asshole Hughes, he dumped her, and she put her head in an oven). It's a way for me to use words in order to give a description of what's in my mind. It's free-verse sprinkled with similes and metaphors. This is why I'm a nerd.
It's another reason I never joined/formed a band. It was always cooler to know the guys in the band, party with the guys in the band, discuss music with guys in the band, but to be in a band takes effort. You have to write songs, you have to know your style, you have to realize that you will either sell out or never make it, and you have to play well enough and the songs can't suck. If the formula isn't solved, it means no shows, no money, and no following. Which is why I listen to music.
I can listen to any familiar song (now realize I have a collection that probably is a total of 700 pieces that include cds. cassettes, vinyl, burned cds, as well as mp3s) and they all represent some piece of my life. Remember in the movie version of High Fidelity and Dick stops by Rob's apartment to invite him to Marie de Salle? Now remember when he was doing the great record reorganization because Laura left his non-commitment ass? Autobiographical. Yes, I have never gone that far with organizing my music but it is definitely a soundtrack to my life. Examples? Ok. I can listen to Fade into You by Mazzy Star and remember that an ex-boyfriend had it on a mixed tape he gave to me but then was told it was made for his ex-girlfriend. I can listen to Sea of Sin by Depeche Mode and know that it's from the World in My Eyes cassingle which I lent to a girl my junior year of high school, she got into a wreck, and my tape was totaled with her car. My final example? Every time I listen to Tea for the Tillerman by Cat Stevens, I remember that I was three and my father would play it for us to listen to and sometimes he picked me up and we danced. Not only that but I remember looking into the huge oval mirror my parents had. There's an emotion, a feeling, a sense behind every song and every memory. It's why I love/miss the mix tape.
If you're still reading this blog after a momentary spew of nothingness, again, kudos to you. I'm damn sure you think I'm a nerd, perhaps in need of professional help, but hidden under pretty clothes and cool hair. (Again, more proof. Only nerds really think what they're wearing in cool and everyone else needs to get a clue).
